Little Known Feline Personality Disorders

by Sarah Hartwell
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This tongue-in-cheek article discusses the more light-hearted aspects of our cats' behavior.

Feline Dependent Disorder (Feline Limpet Disorder)

Symptoms:
Sufferers are excessively clingy and follow their owners everywhere. An afflicted cat clings to whichever part is most easily accessible and also exhibits advance Lap Fungus symptoms. When shut out of a room it cries pathetically, convinced it will never see you again. Since it can't survive for long without at least one part of it being in the same room with you so it squeezes a nose or paw beneath the door, waving the paw like a starving man's plea for food.

Treatment:
These cats can be trained to be excellent wigs or fur hats. They also make excellent hot water bottles on winter nights as everyone knows that cats can breathe through several layers of blankets or a Tog 13 duvet without the aid of a snorkel.

Feline Histrionic Disorder

Symptoms:
Afflicted cats exhibit excessive attention-seeking behavior such as tormenting prey when you can witness the grand event and sulking if you don't respond gratefully to their gifts of decapitated mice. They have a flair for (melo)drama and over-reaction. Any cat which has ever received an Oscar nomination is an advanced sufferer.

Treatment:
The owner of a histrionic cat is the one whose cat story is always one-up on everyone else's cat story. A good script-writer or ghost-writer will allow you to cash in on your cat's purrsonality disorder e.g. "How to Live With a Feline Drama Queen" or "Fur and Loathing in LA". Under no circumstances should you ever attempt to upstage a Histrionic Cat.

Feline Narcissism

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