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It often helps to share your feelings. There
are four stages of grieving: denial, anger,
depression (mourning) and acceptance. Suppressed
feelings are likely to resurface twice as
painfully later in life or when you feel
vulnerable for other reasons. I found that people
who had never lost a pet could be unconsciously or
deliberately unsympathetic. With so many people
relying on a pet for companionship, this is unfair
of them and may even indicate problems in their
own relationships. However, many GPs and religious
ministers are sympathetic to those who suffered
pet bereavement and can offer counseling. Time is
said to be a great healer, and though the pain may
never go completely, time numbs the pain and makes
it more manageable.
There are Internet newsgroups and bulletin
boards where you can share your feelings with
other bereaved pet owners. Use a search engine to
look for "pet loss" and "pet
bereavement" and you will find hundreds of
sites offering a variety of resources, including
email or online counseling. There are 'virtual
cemeteries' where you can post up a photo and
message of remembrance for your pet and virtual
'candle ceremonies'. It sounds macabre to some,
but many pet-owners hold an online 'funeral' or
service (religious or non-religious) for their
cat, attended by cyberspace friends and these can
provide reassurance as people exchange feelings
and anecdotes about their pets life. You may wish
to place an obituary in a cat or pet magazine.
I adopt older or ill cats. Over the years, I
have seen many of them die. I have also seen how
other people react to me. Some are embarrassed
because they have no experience of pet loss. One
manager granted me compassionate (paid) leave so
that I could arrange burial. Another (with
experience of elderly cats) granted unpaid leave
for the day of euthanasia and the burial the
following day. When I likened the loss of my 11
year old cat to the death of a child I was
verbally abused by many people in my office who
said that the comparison was not valid because a
cat can be replaced, but a child can't be
replaced.
These were people who placed very little
value on the life of a pet and their attitudes
were hurtful (and some were deliberately
spiteful). They have no comprehension of the
effect of pet-loss on caring pet-owners,
especially on pet owners who are single, childless
or widowed (where the pet was a final bond with a
deceased partner). I decided to choose better
friends who would support me in my grief even if
they did not agree with how I felt.
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