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Feline
Dependent Disorder (Feline Limpet Disorder)
 Symptoms:
Sufferers are excessively clingy and follow
their owners everywhere. An afflicted cat clings
to whichever part is most easily accessible and
also exhibits advance Lap Fungus symptoms. When
shut out of a room it cries pathetically,
convinced it will never see you again. Since it
can't survive for long without at least one part
of it being in the same room with you so it
squeezes a nose or paw beneath the door, waving
the paw like a starving man's plea for food.
Treatment:
These cats can be trained to be excellent wigs
or fur hats. They also make excellent hot water
bottles on winter nights as everyone knows that
cats can breathe through several layers of
blankets or a Tog 13 duvet without the aid of a
snorkel.
Feline
Histrionic Disorder
Symptoms:
Afflicted cats exhibit excessive
attention-seeking behavior such as tormenting prey
when you can witness the grand event and sulking
if you don't respond gratefully to their gifts of
decapitated mice. They have a flair for (melo)drama
and over-reaction. Any cat which has ever received
an Oscar nomination is an advanced sufferer.
Treatment:
The owner of a histrionic cat is the one whose
cat story is always one-up on everyone else's cat
story. A good script-writer or ghost-writer will
allow you to cash in on your cat's purrsonality
disorder e.g. "How to Live With a Feline
Drama Queen" or "Fur and Loathing in
LA". Under no circumstances should you ever
attempt to upstage a Histrionic Cat.
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