I know this is very stressful for you but here’s the thing; it’s an either/or proposition for you and no one on this site, or anywhere on the internet for that matter, can decide this for you.
I think on some level you realize this and that’s why it’s so upsetting; this is the one choice you didn’t think you’d have to make.
But you do, so make it.
If this is helpful, here is what I would do. You are obviously under no obligation to concur; I’m just throwing it out there since you seem to want an outside opinion.
Stand by your man.
I have had TONS of pets through the years, both dogs and cats, and loved them all dearly, but I would unhesitantly choose my spouse over all of them in an either/or situation and I know my spouse would do the same.
This is not to say that either of us would do so without feeling badly or missing the pet, but ultimately this is the choice; spouse or pet.
Your fiance clearly wants the cats out of there and the fact that you are hanging on is actually damaging your relationship with him. He feels that he should be more important than the cats while you are continuing to act as though they are equals.
The longer you let this drag out, the more you risk losing this man, who is obviously starting to feel devalued by you since you are hanging on to Miss Poopy Bottom and Mr. Pees Outside the Box when he has made it abuntantly clear that he can’t stand it and doesn’t care that it’s not their fault.
Frankly, I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to live with a cat who whizzes outside the box and a cat with dingleberries, either, so don’t blame his OCD; I have had cats and I wouldn’t want these two, either, and I especially would not want them sharing my bed.
I suspect you haven’t tried very hard to re-home them since you want to keep them, but have a go at it and see if you have a friend or relative or co-worker who will take them.
If not, then to the no-kill shelter with them.
Do not visit them. Let go and don’t look back.
Do not use the cats as ammunition against this man later (I gave up my cats for you!). This will be damaging to your long-term relationship as it will continue to put the cats on the same level as a fiance/husband.
Do not give up the opportunity to be a wife and mother for two cats.
If you let this man slip through your fingers over the cats, I think you will regret it later. If you are going to have to choose which to live with and which to pine for, I think it is better to live with the man and pine for the cats than the other way around.
Think of it this way; if you were on the Titanic and it was sinking and you could only save this man or those cats, who would you save?
There’s your answer.
I know I would unhesitantly save my spouse but if you honestly and truly can’t say that, then maybe you don’t love him as much as you say you do. The fact that you’re in this dilemma quite honestly is making me question how much you love this man.
Part of being married is making sacrifices for your spouse without lording those sacrifices over your spouse. This is a time when you need to sacrifice for him.
There will be a time when he needs to sacrifice for you and how he reacts to that situation depends largely on how you react to this one now.
I know it’s hard but this is what you have to do. Either give up the cats, or break up with this man. You cannot have both.
Good luck.