dealing with the void

Home Community Pet Loss Support dealing with the void

This topic contains 9 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  Lisa 5 years, 8 months ago.

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  • #493727

    shay
    Member

    i had to put my best best old girl down and i cant deal with it,,,,i feel sick and dead inside….can any one tell me this will get better and how to feel better plzz

    #493728

    Lisa
    Member

    Sorry to hear that you lost your pet.
    You failed to state how long this has been going on but if it has been more than two weeks, you should probably consider seeking the assistance of a psychiatrist.
    There is no shame in this. Sometimes we all need a little boost to get out of a funk.
    If this was your only pet, consider getting a new one. Not only will you perk yourself up, you will also be giving a home to an animal who needed one.
    If you are already in a multiple pet household, then that is all the more reason to get help. Your other pets need you and they want their old, happy owner and not the sad one.
    Pets can sense our moods and if you are depressed this will impact them.
    Console yourself with the knowledge that it takes a good owner to know when to let go.
    I don’t know if this will make you feel better but we had to make the decision to let go of our week-old son and it is much harder to lose a baby than a pet, trust me (did both).
    I got through it OK and I know you can, too.
    Good luck to you, hope you are soon feeling better.

    #493729

    shay
    Member

    im sorry about ur baby,,i cant imagian,,,its been only 5 days now since my maddie left,,,,im trying to be happy for her cuz she didnt like when i would cry,,,but its soo hellish

    #493730

    Lisa
    Member

    Thank you.
    You are still in the pretty early stages of grief so give yourself some time.
    You know, it’s OK to just let yourself have a good cry. You are very upset and you have a right to be, it is very upsetting, and a good cry is cathartic.
    But there comes a point where you have to pick yourself up and I think that point is around two weeks.
    Force yourself out of the house. No more crying or moping or calling all your friends (who will be avoiding you by now because they’re sick of it).
    Movies are a good choice because you can go by yourself if you have to and they are great distractors. Treat yourself to a big bucket of popcorn and a soft drink and enjoy.
    Try to find your coping mechanism. Think happier thoughts or do something you like.
    Treat yourself to shopping or that ultimate pick-me-up, a spa day. Just do something nice for yourself.
    If you were thinking of changing your hair, now is the time (no crying on the shoulder of the hairdresser, the pity party is over!).
    Don’t sit and sulk and pout and let your house go to pot. Make yourself give it a good spring cleaning. That is also cathartic and has the advantage of a clean home, of course.
    If you’ve been meaning to clean out the closet, do it. There is nothing quite like getting rid of clutter to make you feel better.
    Over time you should start to adjust. There will even be days when you don’t even think about her.
    This is not to say that you didn’t love her and that she wasn’t a big part of your life but we all have losses, human and otherwise, and we do not dwell on them every day. If we did, human progress would come to a standstill as we all grieved for grandparents, parents, etc. on a constant basis.
    The best advice I can give you is that you will at some point feel guilty for enjoying yourself.
    Please don’t. I know that is easy to say and hard to do but you still have a life, so live it. The flaw with love between two beings, human or otherwise, is that rarely do both parties leave this earth at the same time so one is left behind to continue without the other.
    In this case that is you, so please continue. The alternative is to have never loved Maggie at all, which is way worse than missing her, in my opinion.
    This is not to say you won’t ever think about her and be sad. My son died six years ago and frankly there is still not a week that goes by without either myself or my spouse breaking down.
    But the breakdowns are shorter and used to be daily, so as you can see, time eases the pain but does not completely abate it.
    Hang in there and over time, you will start to remember the happy times and smile instead of cry.
    You’ll be OK.

    #493731

    shay
    Member

    wow u have helped me very much….thanks for the advise,,,my old girls name is maddie,,,not maggie,,
    and i will try some of these things,,,i also have 5 kids….so i do know life goes on,,,,but i feel like i can never get over my maddie not being here,,thanks again!

    #493732

    Lisa
    Member

    Oh dear.
    So sorry.
    I just got those newfangled progressive lenses in my glasses and can’t see a blasted thing. Most annoying, as it seems to me that this is the opposite of what my glasses should be doing.
    Having 5 kids should certainly take your mind off things.
    Just hang in there and things will start to settle.

    #493733

    linda
    Member

    I just need to comment on penquinsfans advice . It was heartwarming . I couldn’t have worded it better myself . Great advice .
    Linda

    #493734

    Lisa
    Member

    Thank you.
    Losing a pet is very difficult, isn’t it?
    We once had a cat who lived to be 20 and when she died, our friends were surprised to have not been invited to a funeral.
    That was 25 years ago and I still miss her but after the first two weeks I stopped crying for her. Now when I think of her, I smile at what a clever little sweetheart she was.
    I think it is the same for everyone; it’s just in that in that first phase of grief it is difficult to believe that you can get through it.
    But we all can and we all do, and thank goodness for that!

    #493735

    shay
    Member

    its been 1 week today,,,and i finally woke up hungry this morning!! im sure thats a good sign….but i sure cant wait till this hellish hurt eases up,,i sure do miss my maddie

    #493736

    Lisa
    Member

    Well that sounds promising to me.
    Keep plugging. I think you’re doing fine and I’m so glad.

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