Jun 6, 2011 at 8:05 #493722
A few years ago, my then boyfriend, now husband had a cat that for behavioral reasons (did not adjust well to moving from a big house to an apartment) we made a mutual decision to place for adoption. This occurred after a few years of trying to help her adjust. I know it’s not exactly "loss", but in my heart, it felt like it and I felt like I was a failure at being a cat mom.
We have since adopted another cat (it’s been about 3 years after that happened). I’m having a really hard time bonding to her. I know it’s because of the pain and guilt I felt letting the other cat go. We knew it was better for her to go back to living in a house like she was used to, but it was so hard.
Do you know of anything I can do to help myself through this? I REALLY want to bond with her and love her like the rest of my animals. I’ve thought about giving this cat up because I’m having such a hard time. I really want to make it work.
Thank you for your time.Jun 8, 2011 at 5:04 #493723
Do you know the people who adopted the first kitty?
I would think a visit might help to put your mind at ease.
If you saw her with her adopted family, And saw that she is happy and being well cared for, enjoying the things she missed so desperately, that being without them made her miserable. Things you could no longer provide.
Maybe then you would realize that you did the right thing. And you did it FOR HER. And let go of that guilt and forgive yourself.
In my opinion, What you did was, though heart wrenching, it was indeed the right thing to do. Especially for the cat. You tried. And for much longer than most people would have. Heck, many people wouldn’t have given it much thought al all. They’d be all, "Tough S— cat. This is where you live now. Deal with it." Then spend the next several years complaining about their "rotten, miserable cat "
What you did was selfless. And she knows this. You put her needs first. Even at an impasse. And you took the time to find her a home, where some people who would’ve had her put to sleep. Just so they wouldn’t have to deal with it. Seeing her might make you realize the good you did. And drop that unfounded guilt that’s weighing you down. So you can redirect that energy more positively.
Like to the someone You have now. With whom you can share the wonderful things which weren’t possible with the first kitty. If you would only open your heart To her. She needs you now. And it sounds lke you need her.
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