I caused the death of my dog and can’t forgive myself

Home Community Pet Loss Support I caused the death of my dog and can’t forgive myself

This topic contains 4 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  Stephan 6 years, 7 months ago.

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #492314

    macymoo
    Member

    Hi, I am dwelling on what I have done on a daily basis despite getting a new dog. I will never ever make the same mistake again but just can’t forgive myself. I had a 14 year old Yorkie who came to live with me and my boyfriend after our 16 year mongrel died of cancer. They both lived together and as my parents were out most of the day we took him. to live with us Copper died Nov 03 he had always had a heart murmur and was blind by the age of 12 but couldn’t be operated on due to the heart problems although Copper was 13/14 he was still full of life and had at least another 3 or 4 years in him which makes this ordeal so much harder to bear, He was put on heart medication for these episodes where he would fall over especially when drinking his water. The heart medication and fluid pills made him into a different dog he slept all day and wasn’t himself so my boyf and I decided to seek alternative advise to try and help him. The trouble started here, on the pills he was prescribed by the vet he had terrible breathing problems and was getting worse so we were given homepathic pills for that, vitamins and heart pills by an alternative vet. I basically thought more was better and to cut a long story short the alternative medicines were really helping, his breathing problems were gone and his energy was back up so we lowered his medication with no problem. I then gave him too much of all the vitamins and homeopathinc remedies not intentionally to hurt him I really thought it would help more, I didn’t measure things out and poured things in and after the event had realised I had given him 4 times the recommended dose. he started to show signs of what I thought was a virus so I took him to an emergency vet as he was ill although I was still waiting for the results from a kidney test from another vet. The emergency vet gave him two high doses of virus shots (as I said I thought it was a virus as lots of dogs in the neighbourhood were ill which packed up his his weakened kidneys (already damaged by what I had done to him). I know for a fact if I had kept all the doses as they should of been when he was doing well and not overdone it he would still be alive now. It is destroying me inside as there is no-one to blame but myself and I know it’s my fault and although I didn’t mean to kill him I definately did. I have a new puppy and I will now not do ANYTHING without advise first and not give more than the prescribed dose. If I had known his kidney’s could have been affected I wouldn’t have done it but I was trying to help his heart. I gave him way to much vitamins and I know ultimutely that is was did it. I lay at night beating myself up, how could I have been so stupid, what made me think I knew better than the vets. Please advise me on how I can forgive myself if I should, I accept what I have done but can’t let go I loved that dog with all my heart and ended up destroying the thing that mean’t the most to me. :'( :'( I can’t think of him and mourn his death and think of the good times and how much I loved him everytime I think of him I hate myself and keep saying I can’t believe what I did I killed my dog:(( , he trusted me and I let him down in such a big way I wish I could turn back the clock so badly.

    #492317

    Mistysmommy
    Member

    I’m sorry your doggy died 🙁 I don’t know if I can help you not beat yourself up, because I’m doing the same thing. We just had to put down my cat of 21 years. I’ve had her since 2nd grade. I think guilt goes along with it any time a pet dies. So know that at least you aren’t the only one feeling bad about yourself. I think of how I could have prevented my cat from getting mouth cancer. And I think of all the times I wasn’t as nice to her as I could have been. And now I feel like I didn’t spend enough time with her on her last day of life. I just hope she knew how much I loved her. I guess she did, and I’m sure your dog could feel it too. I just wanted my cat to be happy, and she wasn’t when she was sick. So I’m hoping there is a heaven that animals go to and are happier there. I hate that her last days were in pain. I wish I could have made it better. I have lots of regrets, but we had a lot of good times, and I have to remember that.

    #492316

    cathywells
    Member

    Hi! I was just going through the messages when i saw your message. I know it must be terrible when you feel that you were one of the reasons why your beloved pet died…but remember this is only ONE of the reasons. I think it would be better for you and people around you if you take it the other way….. i mean if you think that Copper had to die, and no matter what happened or how strong you tried, he had to die. I dont know if you are getting my point or not. By the way, i know of a website which can show you a path for remembering Copper now and forever. It is http://www.petmoments.com You can make your free account and then upload pictures of Copper (if you have any), show them to other petlovers (in the public gallery) and make Copper shine in the memories of all of us. If you want more information about this website please do contact me. I will be waiting for Copper’s pictures in the public gallery of http://www.petmoments.com.

    #492315

    Sheri
    Member

    It sounds like your dog needed alot of special care, and you did so much for him! You made a mistake with good intentions, and you’ve learned something very valuable. Maybe that was his purpose in your life – to teach you that lesson. You have to remember you are human, and certainly didn’t intend to have the effect you believe you had. You never know how else he might have died over time in later years, what other problems he might have had later on. Sometimes animals suffer for days or weeks because they are very sick and we are trying so hard to save them. Sometimes we can, sometimes we can’t, sometimes we save them from one thing, only to lose them to another. I knew a cat with something like diabetes once. It cost hundres of dollars to find out what was making him so sick, he was in the hospital for about a week and went through so many tests, and we finally brought him back to health. He was not a very old cat, he had alot of life ahead of him. But he recovered only to die weeks after recovery, making his owner wish she had just let him go instead of putting him through all the suffering. He just seemed to stop responding to his treatment. Was it something we did or didn’t do? Maybe. We know we all did the best we knew, and at the time you did what you did, I believe you did the best you knew. Forgive yourself, what’s done is done and it’s over now, and hurting yourself won’t change that. You’ve learned a painful lesson, and it’s painful enough to lose a friend.

    #492318

    Stephan
    Member

    Oh my God, I know what you are saying and I do certainly know how that feels. My dog Berti died 5 days ago. And the role I played in the five days before that makes me guilty for the rest of my life. I do not know how to escape this feeling of being responsible for his death. He had been attacked by another dog – from behind. He had no chance. I hit that other dog as hard as I could to get him off. It worked. And Berti seemed okay. Only – he sit in the creek as if to cool his bum or to get over the shock.
    On our afternoon walk he almost collapsed. I was extremely worried, but I considered that he could have simply been traumatized. This is when I should have reacted first! And I waited till the evening before I saw a vet. Vets do best what they know to do. There are seemingly factors they do not know. A "normal" vet, for example, may know rather little about internal injuries. He will treat your dog for infections or a twisted stomach or else. We wasted more than 2 days. And what is also difficult during this time – he suffered. He couldn’t pooh nor pee. I had to feed him with a syringe. I blame myself for the rest of my life for not going to a vet clinic straight away. And then, the long Pentecoste weekend when everyone is on holidays on Monday! All odds against him, really. But even at the clinic where I had gone ignoring my vets advice – it took them hours to get a CT. And instead of having the results available, they announced to me only later that they would have the images by 9 a.m. next morning. Should I have told them to put my son down then? Yes, he is my son who died, an angel on four paws. I think, you know what I am talking about. And then they didn’t want to operate on him because of his high temperature. Fair enough. You shouldn’t do surgery in such a state. They got the temperature. The vet felt he wanted to wait even another day while Berti was making the most scary noises, a mixture of pain (he was completely drugged), fear and screams for help. And then the way he looked at me that will haunt me for the rest of my life! Eventually Berti threw up blood and they did operate on him. The next morning his heart gave up.
    You know, my dog has forgiven me. I have not forgiven myself!
    But also listen to this. My wife Michelle is half Chinese. In the Chinese culture, a bird in the house announces a death. When I had come back from my walk on the day of the attack when Berti had almost collapsed there was a bird in my living-room.
    And then I remembered that I had actually dreamed of pure, clean water pouring out of my toilet flooding the whole house. That was days before the events started. Tears! Were his days counted? Was I then not the super-hero, the master of life and death? Had there been no way to protect him? Was he meant to go? But the question still remains why a pure soul that has never thought a single negative thought and had only been pure love and affection, would have to suffer like this.

    Click on any picture to see full size:

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.