My sweet, sweet Beaux is gone

This will probably be rather long. I apologize in advance and thank you if you stick with it till the end.
   

   
I choose to end Beaux's suffering on Saturday. He was a very active 11 year old mixed dog. He was abandoned as a puppy on the side of the interstate. He came into our lives and became our baby. My husband and I never had kids and I guess in some ways Beaux filled that naturing need for me. I loved him so much. I am having such a hard time dealing with it. I don't want to even get out of bed. I called in to work sick today and I never, ever call in to sick even when I can barely make it in.
   

   
It started two weeks ago. We came home on Christmas Eve after being gone for several hours. He followed me to the bedroom and jumped on the bed. I left the room and he stated on the bed crying. We though maybe he hurt his leg so my husband picked him up and put him on the floor and I immediately noticed something was wrong. He was running on the floor and sniffing every square inch. He would not respond to me and did not want his treat. The world would end before he passed on a treat. We went immediatley to the er. He was blind. The blood work showed his platlet count was 30,000 and should be closer to 300,000. They could not administer a blood transfussion should he need it so we went to a specialty hospital. He was in icu for a week with ITP. The platlets came up so they let him come home. I had to bring him back the next day because he was having severe intestinal problems and could not even keep his meds down. He would not eat or even drink water and was weak. Brought him back on New Year's Eve. He was now diagnosed with pancreatitis. Kept him in icu for another week and took him off of one of the meds. The intestinal problems got better but never went away. He came home on Friday and the vet hoped that the diarrhea would clear up on it's own. There was nothing more to do for it. He had recevied injuctions and was on oral meds. He weiged 39 pounds when he went in and 30 when he came out 2 weeks later. Within an hour of being home he jumped on and off of the sofa. One of the times he started to limp immediately. He usually slept in the bed with us but was having a hard time moving in the bed so we all slept on the floor. I sent a message to the vet and he said we could wait until the morning to bring him back. His paw started to swell and he could not walk on it at all. He was too weak to walk on just three paws and fell over when he tried to get to his water. He still had severe diarrhea. When saw him fall over I said enough. I can't keep putting him through this. We brought him in and my husband stayed in the room with him as he was put to sleep. I am struggling with my decision. Should I have talked to his dr first...should I have xrayed his paw....I also noticed in his discharge papers that although the dr never mentioned it to me his platlets had already started to go back down. They were still in the normal range but had dropped 80,000 pts in two days so I am sure we would have had to start another round of meds. His ultra sound also showed nodules on his liver. Cancer can be a primary cause of ITP but the dr did not think he was well enough to even have a needle biopsy because he could bleed to death from it. I know I made the correct decision but my house is so empty. It seemed that our lives revolved around his and it hurst so bad. I just pray that tomorrow will be a better day.

I truly understand how you feel. Although my cat of 14 years only spent two days acting sick (and I knew it was irreversible so I couldn't see a vet), she passed away of kidney disease that she never showed signs of until she died. It was a shock to me, because she was my first cat, my closest friend on Earth.
   
Your dog sounds like a real sweetheart. I am sorry that you had to lose him. A pet's death is always full of regret, I always wish I could have caught Dixie's being ill sooner. But in the end, it helps to know that they are no longer suffering from what they once were, and that they are being well taken care of up above, if you believe in that.
   
You connection with him isn't over, either. I like to pray to God a lot to tell Him how much I miss and love Dixie and to pass along the message. She is often in my dreams, which makes me happy. And I know that if I ever need her physical presence, I just take her urn along with me somewhere or hold her close.
   
It's been two years since I gave Dixie up and as much as I still have regrets and miss her like I lost a piece of me, I know that our love is forever alive and that she is not sick or suffering any longer. It hurts that they aren't with us physically but there is always that connection with them in our hearts that doesn't die.