I caused the death of my dog and can't forgive myself
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June 6th, 2004 00:00
Hi, I am dwelling on what I have done on a daily basis despite getting a new dog. I will never ever make the same mistake again but just can't forgive myself. I had a 14 year old Yorkie who came to live with me and my boyfriend after our 16 year mongrel died of cancer. They both lived together and as my parents were out most of the day we took him. to live with us Copper died Nov 03 he had always had a heart murmur and was blind by the age of 12 but couldn't be operated on due to the heart problems although Copper was 13/14 he was still full of life and had at least another 3 or 4 years in him which makes this ordeal so much harder to bear, He was put on heart medication for these episodes where he would fall over especially when drinking his water. The heart medication and fluid pills made him into a different dog he slept all day and wasn't himself so my boyf and I decided to seek alternative advise to try and help him. The trouble started here, on the pills he was prescribed by the vet he had terrible breathing problems and was getting worse so we were given homepathic pills for that, vitamins and heart pills by an alternative vet. I basically thought more was better and to cut a long story short the alternative medicines were really helping, his breathing problems were gone and his energy was back up so we lowered his medication with no problem. I then gave him too much of all the vitamins and homeopathinc remedies not intentionally to hurt him I really thought it would help more, I didn't measure things out and poured things in and after the event had realised I had given him 4 times the recommended dose. he started to show signs of what I thought was a virus so I took him to an emergency vet as he was ill although I was still waiting for the results from a kidney test from another vet. The emergency vet gave him two high doses of virus shots (as I said I thought it was a virus as lots of dogs in the neighbourhood were ill which packed up his his weakened kidneys (already damaged by what I had done to him). I know for a fact if I had kept all the doses as they should of been when he was doing well and not overdone it he would still be alive now. It is destroying me inside as there is no-one to blame but myself and I know it's my fault and although I didn't mean to kill him I definately did. I have a new puppy and I will now not do ANYTHING without advise first and not give more than the prescribed dose. If I had known his kidney's could have been affected I wouldn't have done it but I was trying to help his heart. I gave him way to much vitamins and I know ultimutely that is was did it. I lay at night beating myself up, how could I have been so stupid, what made me think I knew better than the vets. Please advise me on how I can forgive myself if I should, I accept what I have done but can't let go I loved that dog with all my heart and ended up destroying the thing that mean't the most to me. :'( :'( I can't think of him and mourn his death and think of the good times and how much I loved him everytime I think of him I hate myself and keep saying I can't believe what I did I killed my dog:(( , he trusted me and I let him down in such a big way I wish I could turn back the clock so badly.
June 7th, 2004 00:00
I'm sorry your doggy died :( I don't know if I can help you not beat yourself up, because I'm doing the same thing. We just had to put down my cat of 21 years. I've had her since 2nd grade. I think guilt goes along with it any time a pet dies. So know that at least you aren't the only one feeling bad about yourself. I think of how I could have prevented my cat from getting mouth cancer. And I think of all the times I wasn't as nice to her as I could have been. And now I feel like I didn't spend enough time with her on her last day of life. I just hope she knew how much I loved her. I guess she did, and I'm sure your dog could feel it too. I just wanted my cat to be happy, and she wasn't when she was sick. So I'm hoping there is a heaven that animals go to and are happier there. I hate that her last days were in pain. I wish I could have made it better. I have lots of regrets, but we had a lot of good times, and I have to remember that.
June 13th, 2004 00:00
Hi! I was just going through the messages when i saw your message. I know it must be terrible when you feel that you were one of the reasons why your beloved pet died...but remember this is only ONE of the reasons. I think it would be better for you and people around you if you take it the other way..... i mean if you think that Copper had to die, and no matter what happened or how strong you tried, he had to die. I dont know if you are getting my point or not. By the way, i know of a website which can show you a path for remembering Copper now and forever. It is http://www.petmoments.com You can make your free account and then upload pictures of Copper (if you have any), show them to other petlovers (in the public gallery) and make Copper shine in the memories of all of us. If you want more information about this website please do contact me. I will be waiting for Copper's pictures in the public gallery of http://www.petmoments.com.
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