Lost my 17 yr old cat

I'm just a mess. Monday night I had to put my beautiful 17 yr old Fluffy down. She had CRF and was starting to have some issues over the weekend but was generally ok. Monday night around 10:30p I went downstairs to check on her and she was having seizures. Ran to the ER where she had another one. At that point we decided she had enough and it was time to let her go home.
   
I know it was the right thing to do but just like everyone else I woner if we were doing the right things for her and if I waited too long to let her go. The worst thing about all of this is that I work from home. So I was home 24/7 taking care of her, making sure she was eating, getting all her meds, etc. She as a very loving and sweet cat so she was constantly with me. Even had a cat bed on my desk so she could be with me while I worked.
   
I feel so lost today. It was such a routine with her and I feel like I don't know what to do. I wish I would stop crying too. I just feel so helpless right now.

Oh, dear, I know exactly how you feel. Minerva was 17 & seemed perfectly healthy for her age. She suddenly just had a total health collapse & was gone in days. I know how it hurts - I still tear up when I think of her.
   
I don’t think you waited too long - if Fluffy was chugging along alright until things got so bad, then she was happy. Cats hide exactly how sick they are until they just can’t keep up the facade anymore. They just crash & burn when they can’t take it anymore. The fact that you worked from home was why Fluffy did so well for so long.
   
And remember, she was 17. That’s very, very old for a cat. The average cat lifespan is only 13 years. You took her four years further! You did a wonderful job taking care of Fluffy, absolutely wonderful! Chronic renal failure is so difficult to manage - it’s one of the worst conditions out there, because it wears away at the quality of life. But you kept her happy & relatively healthy without a kidney transplant, which would have been the only other option to your regular care for her.
   
And you were able to let her go when things got so bad that she couldn’t enjoy life anymore. That’s very hard to do, but you did it. It wasn’t easy to let the cat sin my life go, either.
   
Think of her in a better place, it’ll be easier. I firmly believe in Cat Heaven. Fluffy is there now - and she isn’t sick anymore, there’s nothing wrong with her. She’s like a kitten again, all energy & curiosity. The weather is always perfect, it never rains on the cats. The place is full of meadows & woods full of little heavenly (not real) mice & birds & crickets to chase & hunt. There’s other animals to play with, any kind your cat wants, cats, dogs, or whatever. Cat Heaven is full of people who always wanted to have cats but couldn’t because of where they lived or because they were allergic to them - and aren’t now. Someone is taking care of Fluffy for you until you arrive. She has a lap to purr on, a desk to snooze on, a yard to run in (and she never gets lost!), & the best food ever. St. Francis of Assisi stops in to visit now & again to see how she is & if she needs anything. When you get there, Fluffy and all the other pets you’ve ever had will meet you at the gate, talking all over each other (and you’ll be able to understand them!), telling you about the cool place this is, & they’ll drag you off to the house assigned to you where all of you will live together forever, with plenty of furniture & fireplaces to go around.
   
You’ll have to cry for awhile, but think of the good times. To feel less at ends, start writing down stories about Fluffy, anything you can remember - how she looked when she first saw herself in a mirror, how she watched cartoons on TV, chased the dust bunnies under the bed, the funny little habits she had. Writing out your feelings often helps, & you’ll also have stories to read later. I wish you had had her cremated & brought her home - it may have been better, but we can’t do anything about that now. So instead, get a monument for her & put it in the yard - a concrete cat & a plaque with her name & dates, anything that means Fluffy to you. It’ll give you some more closure.
   
And in a few weeks, go to the animal shelter & take home somebody that needs you as much as you need them. Then you can build new routines around your new little charge.

Thanks so much for your response. I cried reading it especially the part about having done the right thing and everything I could for her. That's always the hardest part. Trying to convince yourself you've done everything possible and that you didn't wait too long to let them go. Logically I know this is right but the heart has different ideas. Unfortunately it's the selfish part of human nature.
   
She will be cremated and brought home to be with my other kitty who passed on about 2 yrs ago.
   
The house feels empty now but I know sometime in the future I'll have new fur babies running around here to brighten up my life again.