Help, I lost my best friend today

I know there are people in this world who have bigger problems than myself, but I also know there are people on this site who understand how I'm feeling. I lost my 19 year old cat, Socks, today, & I feel utterly grief stricken. She's had a skin irritation for about 8 months & has been treated with monthly injections to relieve that & her arthritis, which did work. We were at the vet last Tuesday as the irritation had come back just two weeks after her injection, which normally last between 4-6 weeks. As it hadn't been more than two weeks they couldn't give her the injection as it can sometimes cause diabetes, but they gave me a medicated shampoo to help relieve the itching. I went away for a few days on Friday & Les, the woman next door looks after her while I'm away (she's also sock's original owner, Socks adopted me 6 years ago while Les was on hols). When I came back on Monday, Les said Socks could hardly get up on Saturday & that she was pulling some of her fur out. I thought this may have been distress at me not being here, but then I notice she was very stiff when getting up, so I rang the vet on Tuesday morning & made an appointment, they said to come in on Wednesday afternoon. This morning (Wednesday), she seemed fine, she got out of bed, had her food as she normally does ( a whole white fish fillet), & went out into the garden as it was warm & sunny. She looked ok but I went anyway just to have her checked out. He examined her & when he touched her hips she cried in pain. He said the kindest thing, considering her age was to let her go. I know it was probably the right thing to do, but I feel really guilty cos she looked fine. I can't have children so she was like my child. I lost my Dad 18 months ago, & I feel as grief stricken now as I did then. Is it normal to feel as much grief for an animal as it is for a human? I've done nothing but cry since I came home, the house is empty & I can't bear the thought of coming home knowing she's not going to be here. I know it's silly, but feel very alone. I've lost the friend who comforted me when my Dad died, & who has never deserted me like my human friends did. Am I stupid or is it normal to feel as grief stricken? please help.
   

enigma,
   
No, it's NOT stupid and it IS normal to miss your cat this much. You loved Socks, you had her for YEARS, & when your dad died, she was a source of comfort. You two took care of each other, were a family unit (yes, you were, even tho Socks was a cat).
   
We cried for a week when our Fred died suddenly, we weren't ready for it either - my husband cried a contact lens out.
   
Cats can go on for a long time, hiding how sick they are. It's a defense mechanism for them, from their days alone in the deserts, since if other animals see they're sick, they're in more danger. Then their systems just crash & burn suddenly, & the cat just can't maintain the fiction anymore. She WASN'T fine that last day, she was putting a good face on it for you.
   
A 19 year old cat is so VERY old. It's like a 95 year old person. She hung on as long as she could, she didn't want to leave you.
   
I know how you feel. You may think you'll never want another cat again, but that's not really true. You just can't imagine replacing Socks.
   
You can't get her back, but you can help another cat - you can start new memories & a new relationship. You'll always remember Socks, & talk about her from time to time - while you take care of another cat or two.
   
Go to the animal shelter or an adoption group & take home somebody who needs you. Don't go in with any preconceptions - they never work anyway. I know this because I went to an adoption event to adopt a young 1 or 2 year old cat, & ended up taking home a 9-year-old cat! (Samantha insisted, she really did.)
   
And why don't you join the local adoption group? They always need foster homes for new orphans. You can make other cats' lives better, & you can meet people that think like you & make new friends with a common set of interests. Then you'll have more than just your cat, & you can help other people have as good a friend as you do.

Thanx ahtnamas, your wise words have helped, I don't feel as miserable today, having realized how old she really was. She was tired & worn out & ready to go I think. Looking at her photos from last summer to this, she looked thinner & her fur was very ragged, so I think you were right. I won't say I'll not ever have another cat & I would seriously think of adopting an older one, they all deserve a good home to spend their retirement, but it'll be a good while yet. Thanx again.