help toughen up my gentle tom cat please

Please could you help. I have a 4 year old neuted male cat who has the most gentle and shy nature but basically allows all the neighbourhood cats to beat him up.If I am lucky to be around and try and rescue him he refuses and just takes all the hits. I have had him since April 09 and have had him checked over by my vet who gave him a full bill of health. I am very worried that he will run away or even be found dead. I also have a 17 year old female cat who at first was a bit put out when he arrived but they now tolerate eachother, when there is an altercation though my male cat just cowers and cries. I am going on holiday soon and will rely on a neighbour to pop in and out to feed them I am dreading coming home and I havnt even gone yet. I was going to have an electronic cat flap fitted but been advised that they dont work if you have a double glazed door, which I have.
   
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
   
Thank you
   
Julie

I hope I'm not too rough on you, but I am going to do some yelling. And scolding.
   
You have to understand that your tom cat is NOT a fighter. He's a natural bottom-of-the-social-ladder cat. He can't be changed by trying to "toughen him up". Cats don't listen to that kind of thing. He won't get "tough" because you want him to. His personality won't let him. Have you ever seen the quiet little kid in the crowd in a playground, the one who doesn't want to rough-house or scuffle with the other boys? THAT is your cat. He's shy & retiring, that's why he's so gentle. Of course he cries.
   
The female is 17, old & grumpy. She's not going to change. If there's a fight, he'll just have to deal with it, & at least the fights don't happen often. When this happens, take the male away from the female & give him a safe corner to run to when a fight starts, he needs it. And at 17, she's VERY old & she's likely to pass on soon, so this situation can't last forever (sorry, but it's true).
   
PLEASE!! YOU CANNOT JUST LET YOUR CATS WANDER AROUND FOR A WEEK OR TWO WITH SOMEONE JUST "POPPING IN" TO FEED THEM! Cats are not fish, they are not hamsters, they have feelings, they need attention every day!!! Especially with the tense situation between your tom & the local cats.
   
You cannot let your cats just wander in & out of the house while you're away. There is, indeed, a very real danger that your male will simply run away from the treatment he's getting from the other cats, looking for a quieter life. You should have a pet-sitter come in every day, twice a day, to feed the cats & play with them & give them attention. And you should confine the cats to the house for the vacation & give them litter boxes to use. This is the most responsible way to handle the vacation. You cannot supervise them if you're not there, & your neighbor will not have the time to supervise them.
   
Is there someone who can actually take the male into their house for the vacation? That would be far better for him. He's already nervous about his day-to-day life, & when you disappear for a week or two, he's going to be all at ends. He needs someone to be with him most of the time, not just someone coming in to put kibble in a dish a couple of times a day.
   
For your tom's good, turn him into an indoor cat. He's so shy & retiring that he'll probably consider it a far better situation than getting into fights with the neighborhood cats. Give him a litter box, a cat shelf, and a window to watch the world go by & he'll probably be far happier to be away from the scuffle of the boys outside.
   
You have to deal with this in the best way for the cat. He can't help his situation. You can.
   
If you can't adjust things so that he feels secure, it may be best to find him a new home & start over fresh later. From the sound of him, he would be an ideal companion for an older person who also wants a quiet life.
   
(In an aside, there are cat flaps for windows. Google "cat flap window". You can also get screened-in porches for windows, for cats to sit in (Google "cat window veranda OR porch" - link example in U.S.)
   
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